to yy

I have always been thinking about what to say after we came back from the trip. It is hard, yes, to someone whose mental age feels like less than 18 years old. I dont want to talk to u in face or on msn, so here is the only way.

What u have done is quite ridiculous. We did have some special experience, above the experience between ordinary friends. You have so many words that would have special indications to any normal girl like me. Even after I told u not to send out the wrong signals several times, u still acted in the same way. But after that first night of the trip, I felt heart broken and disturbed. I would never forget that word u said casually. And I wont forgive u in a long time. I am mentally tired now like I was several times before, all because of u, who is immature of emotion. You are a bastard to do such a thing and I am an idiot myself to trust u. I understand u had no girls before so u had no experience in dealing with girls. Perhaps u just dont really know what u want or u cannot express it in the right way. You really need to grow up or u will just deserve dumb girls. Sometimes I feel hard to talk to u. You asked questions and I am not always answering because u wouldnt be able to understand me even I answered. It is the only thing u can do to make me feel better now and keep this relationship no matter how u want to define it. But some facts cannot just be changed.

两个笨蛋

我和他，是两个人不断纠结相互折磨消耗没有结局的寓言。

Dog’s Day

很久没有更新博客了，久到对不起每年交的域名费，久到除了签名以外的中文书写能力严重退化。今天手写了几个中文，陌生的好像另一个人写的。我一点都不怀疑，如果我再在这个国家呆五年，写个中文的留言条都会成问题。 Read more »

I am back

I rebuilt everything on this site. I am back.

听妈妈的话

最近出了很多事情，上个星期五开车被一个刹车刹不住的混蛋追尾，回到家再被另一个混蛋嘲笑，那天烂得不能再烂了。后来还是哭了，被人撞过之后一段时间内开车都会有心理阴影，春假还计划开六百英里回纽约州。数学系永远都不缺ego巨大的geek。昨天有个人告诉我另一个人不喜欢我。天地良心，我跟那个人讲过的话总共不超过十句。本来就不是一个专业的，又在不同的办公室，我没有义务和他做朋友。本小姐可以在接下来的五年里不和这个人说话，而不会因此不愉快。妈妈写信说最近开车要保持好的心态，不要再喝酒了，家里留了很多好吃的等我回来。我这个没良心的小孩之前还把我妈从msn上block掉了。家永远是温暖值得牵挂的地方，我要听妈妈的话。

real pain

It’s okay to cry as hard and as long as I want to.

I just want to make sure when I stop crying, I won’t cry for the same reason anymore…

My new tibby

Hyundai Tiburon GT Special Edition, 2.7L V6, auto, 172 hp, 20/26 mpg, not so oil-efficient as civic or corolla since it is a coupe, leather seats, sun roof, infiniti sound system. My roomie says it is a feminine sportcar. In fact I want his mit eclipse coupe but there is no better deal right now. I will get the car before next weekend if everything goes through at the bank. 

青蛇

刚看完，很经典的电影，又因为是老片，有不少笑点。青白蛇刚变人的时候，张曼玉滑到梁上，看到一只老鼠，吐出一句“我好久都没有吃老鼠肉了”，笑倒。许仙刚见到白蛇那个骨头都酥了的表情好像嗑了药一样，在这部片子里许仙是一个妻管严想出轨有贼心没贼胆的男主角。还有法海一脸严肃地说“施主你印堂发黑”。青白住的地方很漂亮，有很多长长飘飘的纱帘和荷花池，以前看光源氏的和氏绘也有类似的装饰风格，好想住进去。

秋水

秋水时至，百川灌河，泾流之大，两涘渚崖之间，不辩牛马，于是焉河伯欣然自喜，以天下之美为尽在己。顺流而东行，至于北海，东面而视，不见水端，于是焉河伯始旋其面目，望洋向若而叹曰：“野语有之曰：‘闻道百以为莫己若者’，我之谓也。且夫我尝闻少仲尼之闻而轻伯夷之义者，始吾弗信；今我睹子之难穷也，吾非至于子之门则殆矣，吾长见笑于大方之家。”北海若曰：“井鼃不可以语于海者，拘于虚也；夏虫不可以语于冰者，笃于时也；曲士不可以语于道者，束于教也。今尔出于崖涘，观于大海，乃知尔丑，尔将可与语大理矣。”

书展归来

第一次去上海书展，门口遇黄牛无数。会场很大，里面的书是按出版社排的，想好了一本书去找估计是找不到的。一本尼采完全可能被摆在郭敬明和鬼吹灯中间，如果它们是同一个出版社的出的，总之极度混乱。出版社趁机把很多销不掉的老书混在新书中买，一本史景迁的译本至少四年前我还在书城见过。书的海洋就是书的灾 难。全场八折，部分打六折，不过复旦边上一溜书店天天八折，找书还方便些，至于书城我已经N年没去了。最后买了一本罗马史和一本家常菜谱，非常奇怪的组 合。其实我一直想找一本留学生菜谱，专门讲怎么用土豆西兰花生菜冻鸡死鱼死虾没有老抽李锦记的条件下作出有创意的中国菜来，番茄炒蛋之类的菜不算，那种老 是用山药香菇冬瓜活虾肉鸽鲫鱼猪蹄膀编出来的菜谱在美国除了能对着流口水以外没别的用处。